I Am

July 24, 2019

I AM PhotoMy whole has a lot of parts. Some good and some bad. My life created more parts, feelings, and physical attributes that made me special. The stroke is a part of who I am, it is a part of my whole. I cannot erase it. It let me start over again.

My hand is not who I am, it is a part of my whole. I hide my hand, the things that make me not normal, the things that make me stand out, stand out in the crowd. I try to hide my hand in public, when people take pictures of me, and when I am dancing having fun. My hand is a heavy, weighted load that I cannot take off. I feel embarrassed about my hand, when it dances or when it poses for a picture. But it is part of who I am, I cannot hide it, it is part of me.

My leg is not who I am, it is a part of my whole. How I walk is a little strange, my knee turns in and my foot turns out. How I stand, I do not have my foot flat that often. But it is part of who I am, I cannot feel embarrassed about my leg, it is part of me.

My sight is not who I am, it is a part of my whole. I will never be able to drive because I am half blind. I will always accidentally bump into people and things because I cannot see. I feel sad because I will never fix my other half. But it is part of who I am, I cannot feel sad about what I cannot see, it is part of me.

My academics, my intelligence, and my speech are not who I am, they are a part of my whole. I miss what I used to have. My smarts. I do not have a 4.0 GPA, or any amazing and unbelievable scores. I work hard, I try hard, and sometimes I do not feel smart in the end. My speech is sometimes slow and choppy like a boat in stormy seas, but I am the captain and I learn to navigate my speech until the storms die down, but sometimes it is still hard. But it is part of who I am, I still miss what I used to have, but I have to appreciate what I know now. That is part of me.

These parts of my whole are who I am and am learning to be. The stroke is one big part of me that is a part of my whole. I cannot hide my hand anymore or how my leg is a little strange when I walk. I cannot feel sad about what I cannot fix or how smart I used to be. If someone does not like who I am just because I am special, that is fine by me. I am not going to hide, feel embarrassed, feel sad that I cannot fix parts that cannot be fixed, or feel down about what I used to be. Life is too short to have all the negative feelings; all of my parts of my whole are part of me. I am not going to let what I used to be stop me from becoming what I am. This is me.

Juli